Colorless Green Ideas
Unintentionally Amusing In Person

Friday, December 19, 2003  


Of course, the fact that neither her mom nor her grandma know where she is and said "She's having some problems again" is not promising...

Apparently, her ex-husband might have some idea.

It's like a holiday tradition of self-torture! Whheeee!

posted by Kim | 3:58 PM |

Annual dilemma

I've talked about my friend Amy here before, more than once. I have also been a little bitter about this subject in the past. However, since it's Christmas time, and we are preparing to head to my parents' for the holidays, and because Heather #2 is talking about old friends today, I'm wondering again-- is it worth the trouble to try and contact Amy again? Or should I just go and see my family, and save myself the frustration and sorrow of trying again, for the umpteeth time, and being disappointed again?

The last time I attempted to get in touch with Amy, I took the 5-hour trip to my parents' house and she didn't return my calls. In fact, she didn't return my calls and was annoyed with me for bothering her, when I finally tracked her down at her boyfriend's house. Also via the telephone. I did not, in fact, manage to actually see her in the flesh, although I spent a solid 2 days trying to. She has not made any attempt to get in touch with me since then. I don't really want to ruin this visit with a series of frustrating phone calls-- but I also don't want to deny my friendship (if Amy still wants it, and I have no idea if she does). I don't really know what to do.

If you have any thoughts, please feel free to share them. I might not follow your advice, but I'm torn enough that I'll consider (most) suggestions...

posted by Kim | 11:35 AM |

small hands put up a link to the (anti-gay) American Family Association's ("Promoting Traditional Family Values" and "America's Pro-Family Online Activism Organization") online poll about gay marriage. Apparently they are intending to show the results to Congress--though I would guess that they wanted to show the results of a poll of just their members, to get the numbers they wanted.

Anyway, go vote! Show your support for gay marriage! We don't want Congress getting misleading information, do we?

posted by Kim | 9:58 AM |

Thursday, December 18, 2003  

Torn Chiffon

This morning at 7am (!) I took my gorgeous vintage new-to-me wedding dress back to the cleaners, from whom I collected the dress last night.

I was a little dissapointed when I picked up the dress, because, as suspected, the age spots along the hemline weren't removable. But that was okay, because I anticipated the problem, and they didn't really show unless you were inspecting the hem pretty closely, and, honestly, who does that at a wedding?

However, when I got home and removed the dress from the plastic bag, I discovered a large, multi-directional tear in the chiffon overskirt in the front-left hem area. A large tear-- several inches. A new tear, that had not been there when I dropped the dress off at the well-respected, locally-owned, in business for over 50 years, we-specialize-in-wedding-dresses cleaners.

The (not-super-nice) lady at the cleaners started out with "Well, you take this risk when you have a vintage item cleaned" and "We specialize in wedding dresses, so if you'd taken this anywhere else it would be worse" which was not, in my opinion, the best way to start off.

She suggested shortening the dress, which I don't want to do, because it would alter the whole silhouette. The tailor is going to look at it and see if there is a way to fix it-- reweaving or something. They also may be able to replace the chiffon overskirt (if I bring in material) but the lady said she didn't think I wouldn't be able to match the color. I'm going to talk to the tailor when she calls and go from there. I'm inclined to have the chiffon overskirt replaced over shortening the dress-- I know it would add a seam at the waist, but that would be covered by a sash, so that's not a big deal. Also, if the colors were close, the break created by the sash would detract from the difference.

So now I am waiting to hear from the tailor. I suspect my choices will be limited, and possibly expensive as well, since, if I do have to shorten the skirt to remove the damage, I will want to have the shape of the skirt altered as well, because I'd just look silly in a calf-length full skirt. Or I can find a new wedding dress, after almost-miraculously finding a beautiful vintage one that I love, that fits me, because the cleaners ruined it.

I swear, the stressful stuff was getting resolved (Christmas shopping, wedding stuff, etc) and the gods said "Hey, wait, she's going to start sleeping well again! That's not okay!" and arranged things accordingly.

posted by Kim | 10:10 AM |

Tuesday, December 16, 2003  


As of last night, I am done Christmas shopping and done wrapping presents, with the exception of the gifts for T.H., which, obviously, are hidden away for now. T.H. is not done shopping for me (in fact, I don't think he's started yet), but I don't have to worry about that.

I'm a little dazed-- this is easily the most organized I've been about Christmas & gift-shopping ever in my life-- but I'm sure that this will make next week much, much less stressful.

Plus. T.H.'s going to put a deposit on the wedding/reception space today-- it's like all the stress-inducers are evaporating at once!

posted by Kim | 9:28 AM |

Monday, December 15, 2003  

Christmas is coming...

We've done most of the Christmas shopping, but not all, and I put a crimp in the weekend by drinking rather too much at the party we went to on Saturday. The featured drink, available for self-service in an attractive glass pitcher, was comprised of vodka, cranberry, vodka, lemon juice, and vodka. You would think that this concoction would be a bit hard going down, but, unfortunately, it's extremely easy to drink. This led directly to me swilling down 3 glassfuls in under 2 hours, which is significantly above my normal level of alcohol-consumption.

I staggered around the party happily for a while, doing what my husband called "a perfect reproduction of a French mime's interpretation of a sexy drunk American woman in high heels and a tight skirt". (I was wearing my lovely new mauve dress, which got lots of compliments. I adore my new dress. I knew it was a gift from the gods when I emerged from the dressing room at Avalon and the salesguy said "Va-voom!". He is an excellent salesguy. Va-vooms sell dresses.)

After a few hours of staggering (and an unwisely bummed cigarette), I began to feel-- uhm-- less happily drunk, and more "why is the room still bobbing and weaving? Shouldn't this problem be lessening rather than intensifying?" and also a little unsettled in the stomach. I sat and hoped it would diminish, but the swimmy-room phenomena kept up, and eventually I cornered T.H. and informed him that I needed to go home now. He, who had intelligently ceased drinking after 2 slowly-consumed alcoholic beverages, was perfectly fine to drive home, which was a very good thing.

We went about and said goodbye to our friends, and I got some hugs by some people who I'm pretty sure I know well enough for hugging, and we went home.

I staggered, less French-mime and more shitfaced, into the bathroom and then to bed, and 20 minutes later, was even more glad we were at home, because it's rude to vomit drunkenly in other people's bathrooms.

The next morning, I got out of bed for an hour and drank some water. Then I went back to bed and informed T.H. that the day's goals had been revised-- that my new goal-for-the-day was to get up and eat something. He laughed and made alternative plans for himself, but was very kind about bringing me 7-up and not making fun of me too much.

Happily, the hangover was not quite as bad as I feared in the morning-- by afternoon I was able to eat some mashed potatoes and wrap Christmas gifts in the living room, so I wasn't completely non-functional all day.

It was a lovely party, and I'm glad we went. We put in some more work on a bunch of casual friendships that I'd like to develop, and I got to feel like a total babe in my snazzy dress. However, for the party next week, I will be following my New Drinking Rules-- no more than 2 drinks, ever, and a minimum of 1 non-alcoholic drink in between each intoxicating substance.

posted by Kim | 10:50 AM |
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