Colorless Green Ideas Unintentionally Amusing In Person
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
There are huge, black, horror-movie-esque stitches holding graft tissue to my gums, near the lower molars on both sides. I am the Bride of the Re-Animator. The stitches come out Friday (no anesthetic! How is this humanitarian or ethical! Everyone says it doesn’t hurt to get stitches removed, but this is clearly just a conspiracy, because how can it not hurt to have something that is holding bits of flesh together removed?!).
If I walked around with my fingers in my mouth, holding my lips wide so that passers-by could look at my gums, then ta-da! I would not need a Halloween costume! Except of course, the stitches will be long gone by then.
My husband told a group of our friends how I drooled a bunch or saliva and blood from my numbed lips on the way home from the dentist. When taxed with this, he said “But it was so Day of the Dead! How could I not tell people?!”
So now I am the Bride of the Re-Animator who drools blood.
So, I had oral surgery on Thursday, and spent the remainder of the week and pretty much the whole weekend watching Friends (the Complete Season Four on DVD) and The Simpsons (the Complete Season Three on DVD). The pain medication made me sick, so I switched to Advil after the first 2 days.
My entire mouth is still pretty uncomfortable. I had two gum grafts—one on each side of my lower jaw, and since the tissue for the graft was harvested (yes, the dentist used the word harvested, which I don’t think should be allowed) from the roof of my mouth, one strip from each side, that effectively makes my whole mouth painful. Lame.
As an added bonus, the surgical dressing (covering the stitches on the lower jaw) and the retainer (covering the harvest sites on the roof of my mouth) are making my molars sore—the kind of sore you get when you’ve just had the wires in your braces tightened, for those of you who had braces. I’m sure that there isn’t enough pressure to make any permanent changes in the week or so I’ll have this stuff filling my mouth, but the sore molars are preventing me from eating anything very solid, so I’m stuck with soup and cottage cheese, which I am darned sick of.
However, since I can’t really articulate properly, I can’t make sales calls today! Woo!
Also, lack of solid food makes one prone to becoming tired verrrry quickly. The walk upstairs to my office about did me in this morning. We’ll see if I make it until 5 o’clock today.