Colorless Green Ideas Unintentionally Amusing In Person
Friday, June 20, 2003
Without guile (or tact, depending on your point of view)
T.H. told me this morning that “a little bird” told him that a friend of ours was feeling hurt and abandoned because I have been vocally positive and excited about this whole (possibly) moving thing. (Read: one of our good friends, who for some reason all, of our other friends are telling about their reservations about our possible-East-Coast-move—what are we, in second grade? Why doesn’t anyone just tell us directly?! )
Additionally, T.H. was concerned that I was making too much of a ruckus about the possible-move at work, where I am soliciting assistance from other staff in order to assist my job search, if such a thing is necessary—though I have been very careful to say that the only reason I would even consider leaving my current job is if T.H. is offered a position in Maryland.
I suppose that T.H. has a point—better safe than sorry, I guess, and I ought to be certain that I’m extremely clear about my motivations at work, since I’d hate for senior management to get the idea that I’m disloyal and cut my position. But the fact that my friend feels “abandoned” and didn’t tell me about it, but instead complained to another friend, kind of ticks me off.
I am definitely behind this move if T.H. gets the job, one hundred percent. But outside of this job opportunity, I have no desire to leave Portland. I like my job, I love our friends, I love my cat and our apartment, and all of our fun hobbies here, and I’ve said so repeatedly. But if I focus on all the reasons why it would suck to move away and then T.H. gets this job, that will only succeed in making me terribly depressed and causing T.H. to feel guilty about pursuing his career goals. That’s just not the kind of partner I want to be, and, again, I have expressed this to my friend.
Because I have said all of these things, I assumed that she would take them into consideration when I enthused about the positive aspects of the move (“We could get a dog!”), but apparently, I was mistaken. She is upset. She feels abandoned, like I just don’t care that I’d be moving away from her (and our other friends too, of course).
So today I talked about all the stuff I’ve been trying not to focus on about the potential-move—leaving our friends, leaving my job, the expense, and the possible delay between T.H.’s move and my move, and leaving…well…pretty much our entire life here and moving thousands of miles away to start all over, because, in a lot of ways, doing all that would be truly awful. Which worked, I think. She seems much more cheerful, and I guess that indicates that she feels less abandoned, which is good.
But it drives me up the wall that I have to spend so much time selectively emphasizing my feelings in order to make sure no one is upset. I keep hoping that if I’m just honest, since we’re all adults here, that will suffice, and I won’t have to dance around saying “It’s not you, it’s this other circumstance, you know that, don’t you—I really really mean it!” but I guess that’s not the case. So I suppose I need that start checking in with T.H. and making sure I’m not being too honest (or tactless, I guess, if you want to look at it that way).
And, irony of ironies, some of the jobs I’m (possibly-prematurely) pursuing on the East Coast are in D.C. The perfect place for a tactlessly-honest girl like me! Somehow, I doubt that my frustration will be lessened by the presence of politicians.
(Boy, that was certainly alliterative, wasn’t it?)
T.H. asked this morning why he might have been forced to go golfing as part of the trip to Check Out Wedding Dresses. The reason is this: my dad is trying to convince my sister’s fiancé, who is German, that it’s an American tradition that the future groom and future father-in-law go golfing while the girls Check Out Wedding Dresses. So far, I understand, my dad has not succeeded in convincing my sister’s fiancé, who shrewdly suspects that my dad is just trying to get out of the trip to Check Out Wedding Dresses.
I’m sure my dad is just jumping up and down at the very thought…
T.H. is staying home from the trip to Check Out Wedding Dresses with my sisters so he can work on his pitch, because, for some reason, he was not terribly excited to go Check Out Wedding Dresses—which, by the way (my sister told me) are sized smaller than regular clothes, so that you end up in a size or two larger than you would have thought. Now I know that clothing sizes have shifted in the last few decades, and what was once an 8 is now about a 6, or even a 4, but please. No one wants to wear a bigger size than normal on their wedding day. Designers should take this into account and size wedding dresses large! I bet the first designer who makes a size 6 that’s really a size 10 will sell hundreds of dresses on that factor alone, especially if all the other size 6s are really size 4s!
Anyhow, T.H. was not thrilled to the core of his soul about Checking Out Wedding Dresses in the first place (Why?? It’ll be fun!) and now he has a really stellar excuse, one that even my dad accepts joyfully.
Otherwise, he might have been forced to go golfing (gasp!).
We should hear if they want to fly T.H. to Maryland, which also pretty much means that we’ll know if he has it or not, because, really, they’re not going to spend the money to fly him all the way over there unless they’re pretty sure, and he’s a nice, personable guy, and he bathes and everything, which means they’ll be smitten with him and offer him extra money and moving expenses.
I’ve been thinking about what I want to keep if we move and moving expenses are not covered (which, honestly, they will probably not be, for an entry-level job), and I don’t know. If we got rid of nearly everything, we might be able to smash the remnants into the Honda and just go, which would effectively eliminate all of our ambient useless clutter in one fell swoop—a somewhat liberating concept. But then we’d have to get new…well…everything…which sounds daunting (and expensive). We’ll just have to see how it goes…