Colorless Green Ideas Unintentionally Amusing In Person
Friday, February 28, 2003
I hope no one is taking me seriously when I tell 'em "Send Money!"...
I've been reading all kinds of terrible, terrible horror stories on Etiquette Hell, about people who do nasty, evil things to friends and family before, during, and after their weddings, and I am suddenly afraid that someone might not realize I'm kidding when I say things like "Oh, you have to get presents for both weddings. It's a $100 minimum, or else you can't come."
I'm joking... as much as I like neat stuff and cash gifts, what I really want is for everyone to be happy, and have a nice time, and come to the wedding party in a year in a Hawaiian shirt or snazzy wiggle dress (like this one —isn’t it great? I would have bid on it, but I’m not sure I could get my measurements down that far without engaging in a seriously-unhealthy diet-and-exercise regimen for the entire preceding year…). That's all I need... oh, unless you want to take pictures and send duplicates to us.
Well, I suppose I could try to think about something else…
but I’m not going to!
I have actually been really surprised by the amount of jitters and excitement I have been experiencing about this whole gettin’ married thing. I mean, I’ve been living with my boyfriend for something like 5 years now, and it’s not like there will be any big changes after we get the rings and the paper (outside of the fact that my take-home pay will be reduced by a not-insignificant amount as soon as his medical insurance premiums start coming out—crummy non-profit benefits package!). And it’s not like the news is a surprise to anyone—most people have responded to the news with some variant on “Oh, congratulations! But we’ve been expecting this for a while…”.
And yet, I nearly burst into tears when my boyfriend suggested that we get married, and I was just chock-full of jitters when we went to get the marriage license, and I was nervous as hell when I was trying to schedule an appointment with a judge. And (though I’m not at all surprised about this, since this is, after all, an event that I can schedule and plan and therefore get all freaky and anal about every little detail) I have been agonizing over the facets of the ceremony next Thursday, and the dinner with family, and the brunch with friends, and the vacation we’re taking.
I think, personally, that it’s important to have a highly developed talent for planning things to death. Among its many wonderful benefits, it makes it justifiable for you to sloooowwwllly work yourself into a towering-yet-completely-silent-rage when you do stuff with friends and family who are constitutionally unable to plan anything and therefore you have to wait for two hours to get a table because why do we need to make reservations? And my boyfriend really loves it when I do that. Especially when he asks me what’s wrong and I say “Nothing” through ever-tightening-clenched-teeth for the entire two hours, until you wonder why I haven’t chewed off my own jaw in frustration. It’s great.
But I am really excited…not so much because I think anything will be really different, but because I am confident now that my boyfriend has decided that he really, truly, is in this for the long haul. Which isn’t to say that this is absolutely-forever-without-question-until-death-no-possible-exceptions, because our relationship has never had that kind of vibe going. What it means is that there would, for sure, have to be a very good reason to leave that we couldn’t work out using some means of compromise or acceptable levels of sacrifice. Which is good, because it’s exactly what I want. And further, I find it difficult to conceive of a circumstance in which he would ask or expect me to make a compromise or sacrifice that I found unacceptable. I suppose it’s possible, but I believe that if I said “no”, he would work with me to find another way, not say “do it anyway”.
Except, because Oregon State residents voted down the proposed income-tax increase last month, County Court is now closed to the public on Fridays! (You know, in addition to the horrific cuts to human services and education that Oregon taxpayers felt were not worth an extra $100 per year or whatever.)
Well, my boyfriend wanted to spend last week being quietly, privately aware of it together, but as of today I can blazon the news to the world! (or the one or two people that check out this site, at least one of which is him…)
We’re getting married!
We’re getting married in a couple of weeks, but the wedding will be in about a year.
If you’re confused about this, I shall explain…
We are getting married quietly at the courthouse, and then going away for a night to hang out together on March 7th. About a week after that, we’re then going to get together with family for dinner.
However, the wedding, in the sense of the big public hoopla/party/ceremony, will actually take place in approximately one year, by which point we shall have time to give everyone lots of notice, save up some money, and make more elaborate arrangements. (I think we’re having a tiki party wedding! Whoo-hoo!)
This way everyone is happy—we get to do things the way we want to, and since we’re pretty much leaving everyone (except us, duh) out of the initial legal service, at least if people’s feelings are hurt they’ll all be hurt equally. And I really hope that no one is seriously hurt, since that’s not the intention.
I am ultimately really pleased about how this is shaping up... it avoids nearly all of the traditional-wedding pitfals that plague so many hapless brides every year, and I am glad to avoid the trauma.