Colorless Green Ideas
Unintentionally Amusing In Person

Friday, February 14, 2003  

And it's...

a one-pound milk chocolate heart!

Not some wussy hearty-I-love-you-darling heart, either-- a real heart, with valves and everything, made entirely out of chocolate. And it's solid. I could probably beat someone to death with it. Whoo-hoo!

My boyfriend is cooler than yours, I say.

posted by Kim | 1:41 PM |

Who’s a lame girlfriend again this year?

Well, not really lame, but doing a poor job of keeping up on Valentine’s Day. Last year I got a custom mix CD of mushy songs & a nice lunch waiting on the coffee table when I left for work. (Well, not exactly mushy—there’s a Nine Inch Nails song, but there’s a Peter Gabriel song too, and a Seal song. How about “a mix CD of love songs”? Anyway, a very cool gift, with personal meaning and everything.) This year I got a package with a note (Do Not Open Until Lunch) wrapped in red tissue paper, with a heart-and-crossbones on the top. Awwww. I don’t know what’s in the box yet, but I’m sure it’s something cool.

But I haven’t done anything. I mean, I’m sure I’ll end up taking us to dinner or something, but I didn’t plan anything ahead of time. My only redemption is the stellar job I did at Christmas… maybe I can use that momentum to coast me through this (pseudo) holiday. I better think up something for next year, though, or I’ll start getting checkmarks after my name.

(and, since I know you’re reading this, maybe I really did do something, and this is just a terribly clever way of disarming your suspicions! It could be, you know. You don’t know for sure it’s not…)

posted by Kim | 10:28 AM |

Tuesday, February 11, 2003  

Well, I’m back…

And, basically, I spent five hours in the car on Saturday and five hours in the car on Monday so that I could hang around at my parents’ house. Fucking hell.

On the plus side, I am now exquisitely aware that I was engaging in misguided nostalgia when I was rhapsodizing over Boyfriends-Past and thinking nice things about my life before I ran away to college (never to return, and I’m so not kidding when I say I would rather be dead in a ditch), because my hometown completely sucks ass. And the people that I went to high school with (who are still there) are (for the most part) rude, self-impressed under-achievers with drug and/or alcohol addictions. And that if someone who you used to be friends with asks you to come visit, and then doesn’t return your calls, and then sounds annoyed that you keep calling her until you get her on the goddamn phone, and then doesn’t even make an effort to see you, that you are, officially and without question, absolved of any duties or obligations in relation to said person or said friendship. Because, for god’s sake, I am getting noooooo response or assistance from her, so fuck it. I did my part, and I’m sorry if she kills herself with drugs or whatever, but it’s not my problem anymore, and my life is here, and I’m not wasting it trying to patch up anyone else’s fixer-upper of an existence any more.

So, how was your weekend?

posted by Kim | 2:46 PM |
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