Colorless Green Ideas Unintentionally Amusing In Person
Friday, February 07, 2003
Wethead, also know as Muffin-Head
I just know you were all dying to see a picture of my darling sweet little chunk of fuzzy kitty love. And I’ve been making you wait, because, well, I thought that delayed gratification would strengthen your character—because we all know that instant gratification degrades your moral fiber. (At least, that’s what my mother has always claimed—I wouldn’t know, because my own character was apparently permanently damaged by instantly-gratifying my desire to see what it was like to get drunk when I was fifteen, and it’s just been an endless slide downhill since then. But I want you to avoid my shameful moral turpitude…)
I realize I haven’t discussed him a whole lot online, but it’s practically all I talk about in real life. My boyfriend's dad was visiting over the weekend, and we spent at least 40% of the conversational time discussing our cat. He’s just that adorable.
This morning, as I was thumping around getting dressed for work, my boyfriend looked out from under the covers and said “Are you late?”. I, cleverly pretending that he was asking why I was making such a ruckus when he was trying to sleep, said “No, just clumsy!”, kissed him goodbye, and left for work. Of course, what he meant was “Why aren’t you biking to work?”
See, I live about 2 miles from my workplace, and therefore, I ought to be utilizing alternative transportation to get here. I mean, one of the reasons we chose to move to Portland in the first place is the public transportation. The bus doesn’t really come down to work, but I have a bike. A very nice bike, that me parents very generously purchased for me on my last birthday, right after I got this job and announced my intention of biking to work. Because I know it is damaging to me, the car, the environment, and the idealistic goals I have for society, for me to drive the 2 miles from my house to work. And there is a bike route, and bike lanes, that come right from my front door to the employee entrance at work. And it’s almost all downhill from home to work.
I biked the first few months. I really did. But around Thanksgiving, when it started raining, and it started being dark during my commute, I sort of fell off the wagon. I don’t like biking in the rain, or the wind, or the dark—it’s scary, and I know from past bike-commute-experience that most drivers don’t give a flying fuck for bikers and their personal safety. In fact, most drivers will cut you off, honk at you, and flip you off, just for having the audacity to be on the road.
So I kind of slacked off on biking while it was dark and rainy. But now the days are getting longer, and it’s no longer dark at 8am or 5pm, when I ought to be pedaling around, and it’s not really too rainy anymore. But now I have a new excuse—most weekday mornings we get up and go to the gym before work, which doesn’t quite leave me enough time to bike—at least, not until we get hard-core enough to get to the gym and 5:45am, so I have time to work out, and then go home & shower & get ready & be done by 8, which is when I need to leave if I’m biking. But at this point, since the gym is a relatively new addition to the program, I feel like it’s not too horrible if I end up driving until I get more into the swing of the gym.
But this morning I had no excuse. We didn’t go to the gym (we take Wednesdays and Sundays off), and I had plenty of time to bike if I wanted to. So why did I drive? Because it’s too damn cold to bike, that’s why!
And this is the sad thing. Well, maybe pathetic is the more appropriate word.
I mean, sure, it’s chilly outside—your breath steams and everything—but it’s not thirty below zero. It’s probably about 30-40 degrees Fahrenheit. But it’s still cold out, and my tolerance for exterior cold is lowered by the fact that it’s probably only about five degrees warmer inside my apartment, because we have tile and hardwood floors, and brick walls, and we don’t want to keep getting $100-plus electrical bills, so we only occasionally use the (crapola) baseboard heaters, which suck up energy like there’s no tomorrow in exchange for a very small amount of heat, that mostly goes into the wall and out the window, as the heaters are all cleverly positioned in exterior walls, directly below windows.
So, because I am invariably cold in the morning, I don’t want to go outside, where it’s even colder, and then add wind-chill, and get to work feeling like a Popsicle, I end up driving to work, because then I can turn on the heater and arrive toasty and comfortable.
In short, I am polluting the environment and putting unnecessary stress on my car because I am a pussy.
I live in the Pacific Northwest, but I want Hawaii, or at least Southern California, temperatures.
I guess, if I keep driving and adding to the problem, global warming will take care of that for me in about 10-20 years.
As of this morning, the scale at the gym says 172! Yay! Last month when I went to the doctor, the scale said 180, so I'm 8 pounds down. Plus, my jeans are looser!
I'm cooking more, too, which is odd, given my previous statements about cooking. It goes along with the rash of more-traditional-domestic-girly stuff I've been doing. The cooking is part of the adjusted nutrition plan—more whole grains, more fruits & vegetables. There are some good recipes in Eat, Drink and Be Healthy. My boyfriend has even liked a couple of things, which is great, given that he hates most fruits & vegetables. I haven’t tried Haute Cuisine yet, but I have several of the recipes at home, and I’ve found a couple of online sources for Thai and Indian recipes that don’t sound too difficult. I still don’t have a food processor though… if I keep this up, I’m going to have to get one.
I've been much more focused on keeping the apartment clean lately too. I guess it’s not really a bad thing—it’s not as though I am neglecting myself in favor of cooking & cleaning, or anything. I suppose that’s the key—I’m only a resentful domestic drudge if I am sacrificing personal goals for domestic ones. If I have some personal goals that also happen to be domestic—like making some really good vegetarian gumbo—then I’m not a domestic drudge, am I?
Plus, you know, my bathroom looks spectacular! I am super-girl! I bring home the Morningstar Farms Breakfast Strips and still make a mean Spicy Thai Noodle Salad!