Colorless Green Ideas Unintentionally Amusing In Person
Friday, January 24, 2003
Going to visit the hometown
In approximately two weeks I will be visiting my hometown for the weekend. I am mostly going to (hopefully) visit my friend Amy, whose tribulations I mentioned previously. Of course, problematically, when I called Amy's house to give her some advance warning, her mom said she’d give her the message when she saw her, but she “didn’t know exactly when that would be”. It seems Amy’s been dating some new guy, and, since she started seeing this new guy, her mom doesn't see her very much. In fact, her mom is moving pretty soon, and she said she didn't know if Amy was coming with her. Given Amy's past history of hooking up with total jerks who encourage her varied addictions, this does not seem like the most hopeful sign. Her mom gave me her cell phone number and said she hopes Amy can “work something out” to see me. If I don’t even see Amy during my visit, it will kind of hamstring my intent to offer emotional support to her during her current(and-please-god-final) recovery experience.
But, you know, I can still sit on my ass at my parent’s house, or go to the only remotely happening bar in town (last time I was there they had redecorated and were featuring incredibly life-like stuffed examples of local wildlife in rigid tableaus along the walls), and run into drunk people that I knew in high school, who will squeal “oh my GOD!!! It’s been FOREVER since I saw you!!! How ARE you?!” and blow alcohol and cigarette fumes into my face, and tell me about their divorce, and how hard it is to get the bastard to pay child support/how much child support the bitch wants (the bastard/bitch in question will probably be at the next table), and how they really don’t mind living back here, there is really a lot of scope for personal growth if you know where to look, and the cost of living is so much lower there than someplace with, for example, a cinema that shows independent, or, god-forbid, foreign films. It’ll be a blast. I can’t wait.
Well, I don’t have anything to say today that could possibly compare to ms. pear’s story. If you haven’t shown your support for a woman’s right to chose, you have many fine options, including Planned Parenthood and NOW.
ms. pear had an affliction that I suffered from in high school too—the “I-can-save-him” disease. I got away with pretty minor scratches, but I had dearly loved friends who were faced with extremely difficult decisions. Some of them made one choice, some of them made another, but all of them got to make a choice, and that’s the important thing. If you chose an option, even if it’s difficult, even if perhaps later you think that you might have been better off with another choice, it’s still a hard thing you accepted, which is much, much, different than a horrible situation you were forced into.
And I have always believed, and will always believe, that if every person on this planet was a wanted child, that this world would be a better place.
When I was eighteen, I got engaged to my ex-husband. (If you must know, I was 20 when we got married, and turned 21 about five months before the divorce was finalized. I was young, and it wasn't very smart, but no one was permanently damaged.)
Before we got "officially" engaged, with the ring and everything, I explicitly told my boyfriend "I don't really like diamonds or yellow gold". When I got The Ring, on Valentine's Day in 1993, it was...you know what's coming, don't you...a solitaire diamond set in yellow gold! Ta-da!
I guess I should have known then, and broken it off right away, but I was only 18, and I didn't. Years later, I sold my engagement ring, along with my wedding ring. The set cost around $800 retail. I sold it for $75—the best offer I could get. The scrap value of the gold was greater than the value of the diamond wedged in the gold.
When my current boyfriend and I got serious, I told him, explicitly, "If you ever buy me a diamond I will leave you immediately". He said "Indeed, the entire diamond industry is corrupt & the value of diamonds is artificially inflated by a monopoly" and I knew it was true love.
When I was 18, I didn’t really like diamonds and yellow gold because it seemed unoriginal to me. I mean, if you love someone, you should know what they like, right? So you ought to find a ring that will have some special meaning for that person, something unique, and not just buy the same damn ring that every solid-cement-from-the-collar-button-upwards guy gets for his Best Gal.
I have since found all sorts of terrific political-social reasons for feeling as I do, which are magnificently illustrated by thesetwo articles, which you should read immediately. This increases the already-high thought-provoking-value of the wonderful stonefishspine, which you should also check out immediately.
Write a haiku while you’re there. Maybe it will keep a portion of your brain from rusting solid.
The good news is that I found some super new knee-high black leather boots yesterday. They were exactly what I wanted. I shall look quite fetching when I wear them out & about, and leave everyone staring after me in awe, wondering who that super-cool, modern-reincarnation-of-Emma-Peel woman is. Oh, yes, I will wow you all.
The bad news is the (obviously sadistic) management of department stores puts terribly unflattering lighting in their dressing rooms. It reveals all sorts of horrible additions to my frame that I was not properly aware of. I am now horribly, sickeningly, aware that what I thought I looked like in my head(somewhere in between what I looked like in high school and what I look like now) is a few—say, 20 or so—pounds inaccurate. This revelation was somewhat shocking, I admit, when I stood, revealed, in the sickly light of the fluorescents.
I was massively depressed about this for a while. But now, I am invigorated and renewed! I will battle my flabby back & buttocks & triumph! I will valiantly attempt to follow a healthy 1,600-calorie diet & go to the gym every day except Sunday! And I will (eventually) lose 30 pounds of fat!
Go me! (Cheer, y’all. I can always use added support.)